Jerry Kurl

Barbara Walters Is swinging on my Jock strap Just like your Father Riding Truck Stop Cocks. I picked her up in the Automotive section in aisle 14 of Meijer located in Calcutta. My Peepee filled up with blood when she allowed me to readjust the position of her thong panties up in the back of her sexy sagg-a-licious Punta Anus. I pulled them out and they snapped back with a ThWACK!!! Noise. She proceeded to fondle and beat upon my erection stick as if it were the cancer that took her mothers life. All of these veins and arteries popped up in my penis and it looked wacky. We both cried a lot and Barbara then shit in the sink of the Men’s Bathroom. I stared at her excrement for a duration of thirteen minutes and 45 seconds. This experience made me feel conscious of the chemicals that are traveling through the highways of my legs and knees. Barbara Walters is made up of the same things that you and I are, and that is many many chemicals. DUHHH!?!?!??! Put down the bag of butter frosting and boil your shoes in lemon juice because that’s what nature communicates to your body and face.

If ah yo hair-ah
Hangs-ah down-ah yo face-ah.
Hey Everybody!! How ya Doin Gang!?!? Long time no see!!
So Sorry I have been absent. See what happened is that I was diagnosed with four different terminal diseases including AIDS and CANCER cuz I am a bad person. It only took me a FUCKING week to beat these tough as nails diseases however. Thanks to my secret injection of millysantor exorbate extract into my open soars!!! All the Deer were smiling at me in the field. Salivating at their mouths were the beasts o the land, and the foul o the air. Take Comfort that I have overcome Diseases that KILL PEOPLE. I will now brush-ah yo teeth-ah!!!!!!!!!!!! Buy some Porn you FAG HOMO QUEERZ.

I if I were to paint a portrait of your mother, would she be cloth-ed or would she be in her foul, natural state. I think you are neato, because you are one of my many puppets. That being said, I want to know things about you, like where you came from, your origins. Therefore I must delve into the deep, dark, vaginal abyss that your unformed body protruded from. The scent of mommies cunt is something I need to be accustomed to. Scientific experiments will be conducted, measurements taken, and surgeries underwent. By the time I am done, I will have uncovered the mysteries of her enigma-puss. Things like how many thrusts of a rolling pin will cause her vaginal walls to crumble as those in Berlin crumbled oh so many years ago. And will motherfuckers collect pieces of this cunt wall for their grandchildren’s birthday present? Blood samples collected by the pint from her rotten, roast beef-a-licious, box will be analyzed to determine iron levels, infections, magnesium solfate dextride content, and foreign sperm particle presence. Based upon these and many more trial analyses I will determine whether or not to allow you the opportunity to pursue the petty, mundane, queer bullshit fantasies/aspirations of working in management that you store in your simple mind. Now say a prayer to whatever higher power you believe in and thank them for allowing yourself to praise me and my superior cognitive abilities. That’s right get on your knees and fucking pray that your mothers box test results persuade me to allow your generic ass to swim in my wake. Until then I suggest you check out these cum sluts. Wash and shave your mothers puss n boots, for I will be dropping by to wreak havoc upon that lump of fleshy flesh cunt flesh.

Have you ever seen an egg? The outside shell of an average egg is white, and it contains a strange transparent goo along with a membrane full of yellow goo. Do you see it yet? Obviously this is an intricate part of the conspiracy I am uncovering. The conspiracy to keep the American people shuffling through life accepting their shitty, according to the book perception of life. At the head of this conspiracy is a celebrity Alliance headed by none other than Tom Cruise, Oprah, Tom Selleck, and Ashlee Simpson. Let me fill you in on an interesting AND DISTURBING fact about the incredible edible egg, The egg shell may have as many as 17,000 tiny pores over its surface. Through them, the egg can absorb flavors and odors. Storing them in their cartons helps keep them fresh. Obviously the Celeb Alliance Coalition Task Force owns more than 99.9% of the egg laying hens in current operation. These evil, power hungry, yet talented beyond all comprehension performers analyze the data absorbed by our eggs to find out what we smell like, what we talk about, and the acoustical properties of our families voices. Don’t you dare fucking question what the fuck I am saying either you ignorant pigs. This is all factually accurate and researched by yours truly. Don’t believe me? Check out this hard evidence picture and be careful what you say around eggs. AND GO CHECK OUT THESE ROTTEN SLUTS.

Golden Retriever Man was roaming the streets of Boise, Idaho enjoying his newly acquired freedom one fine September evening. Our hero was forced to wear a hood to disguise his canine identity for fear of persecution. There he was minding his own business, humping the rotting remains of a deceased cow behind the Wal Mart when a fugly, knife weilding whore ran up on his horny ass. KAPOW! Golden Retriever Man ripped down his hood and bit down on this disease ridden fucksluts forearm as if it was composed of broccoli florentine. Just then a misshapen penile rod emerged from this hookers panties exposing it as a Tranny!!! “Geez O Peetz” thought Golden Retriever Man, I hunger for prostitute blood .
After 47 seconds and 4 stab wounds Golden Retriever Man tore a gaping wound in its neck with his razor sharp canine teeth. After performing an ancient castration ritual on the queer tranny hooker, Golden Retriever Man watched in sexual violent glee as it took its final gasp of air. On all fours he ran to the only place he could find solice, in the dumpster behind the other Wal Mart. There Golden Retriever Man proceeded to smoke his superhero crack and beat on his weird dog cock.

On his Thirteenth Birthday G R M (Golden Retriever Man)’s thoughts of seeking revenge on the contradictive society that denied his existence thus far became increasingly practical and realistic. The same fucking executives that pushed society to love those who are different and must overcome adversity swept G R M under the rug of secrecy as long as they could. Why? Because Dope Rappers from “da hood” who gots to “come up” on ay own slangin demo tapes out da living room of their refrigator box duplex suck the money from dumbfuck Americas pockets like my desperate inhalation of crack smoke from the pipe. These executives realized the Un Marketability of some poor fuck who was born with the head of his canine half father. Little did they know GRM was training, running, biting, and fetching constantly fueled by his undeveloped brooding Hatred, all in preparation for his chance to make the world suffer. (in a non violent way of course) The very same second he blew the final 13th candle on his cake out, GRM looked at his mothers defeated face and STD ridden body and decided then and there he would wait no longer. The emergence of GRM as a hero who’s secret mission was to subliminally destroy society was in the making.

Spiderman, he was bit by a radioactive spider and he was a bitch made, weak, poopdick, fancy boy. He sure as hell didn’t play FIRST STRING HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL. Even the legacy of Superman was marred by rumors of Queerness!! Rumor has it that Clark Kent even had aspirations of fashion design for Christ’s sake! What kind of all American MAN plays dressup with spandex outfits. And just to drive my point home I want to point out that FAIRIES are famous for FLYING around in silly skin tight outfits. Batman and Robin, need I even say a single thing to expose the BLATANT HOMOness of these Nancy boys. Aren’t you sick and tired of fucking AMERICA pounding these queer heroes into your childs soft, impressionable mind workings! I give unto you the Orginal, Bitch fucking, Beer drinking, queer smacking, Golden Retriever Head having, STRAIGHT superhero. Through my postings I will chronicle the life and times of Golden Retriever Man. A hero for those of us whom need not break down in tears at the sight of the massive Pussy Pounder between our legs. We DO NOT wear pantyhose, or bake cookies, or dance to salsa music. WE BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF WEAK PEOPLE!!!!!! WE SHOOT FUCKIN SHIT!!!! WE RAPE SHIT WHEN WE DRUNK!!!!! WE NOW LOOK UP TO GOLDEN RETRIEVER MAN!!!!!!!!!!

One upon a time in a government housing complex located in southern Ohio a man named Fioray engaged in sexual experiments involving various animals. One steamy Wednesday afternoon Fioray payed a call girl 2 dollars and 43 cents to rub his penis this way and that, meanwhile his golden retriever ate a generic brand dog food from her ravaged, swollen clam. A matter of minutes later Fioray and his pooch simultaneously expelled their love juices inside of this nameless whore. Normally the PH levels of a human vagina bag are high enough to kill off golden retiever jizz, but this particular hookers reproductive organs were receptive to both Fioray and his loyal canines seed. This was made possible through the divine power of Jesus combined with the blown out condition of her twat. Too make a long story short, a healthy baby boy rose from the remains of this dirty ass whores’ birth canal. He had ten fingers, and ten toes. In fact his body was completely normal. His head however, well his head was another story. Perched upon his shoulders was the horrifying cranium of a godamn golden retriever. The location of this genetic mishaps birth was in the stall of a McDonalds’ restaurant in Germany. This, the story of Golden Retriever Man will be continued………… Same Golden Retriever time, same Golden Retriever channel.

I realized something while face down on the ground in the raw natural landscape of Montana last week. What shall I do with my life? This thought process was abruptly interrupted by the shocking sensation of Xena Warrior Princess’s hand ripping my trousers from my torso as if they were on fire. She proceeded to take my half mast penile rod into her mouth until it stood as straight and proud as a California Redwood. I gasped for the thin Rocky mountain air like a newborn calf as a steady stream of semen cum jizz eggs spewed from me pulsating member reminiscent of yellow puss exploding from the pimple on your thirteen year old altar boys greezy chin last week. The next thing I knew we were gallivanting through thick brush when a thousand pound elk presented itself in all its sexual charisma say twenty yards or so in front of us. At this point my natural instinct to kill overwhelmed my every sense. Mr. elk fell with a thud as I pulled the rusty section of pipe from his neck and licked the warm blood clean off that fucking barbaric weapon. I then proceeded to snap every dense bone in every limb of his enormous body like so many branches of the wild poonkatravedge bush indigenous of the eastern most regions of Kenya. Xena Warrior Princess tried with all her might to wrench me from the ravaged corpse of this once vivacious, living , breathing massive beast. HER EFFORTS HOWEVER were in vein. Beelzebub himself with every tortured soul in Hell would not have been able to pry my once gentle hands from the innards of this particular mammal. For once I tasted the power of natures freedom, or maby that was Mr. Elks salty blood running down the bridge of my nose into my filthy mouth. Whatever the case, the important thing was that at that moment I realized the truly evil black soul within me. So pick your mummy some dandelions and pee in your bed with the lights on because now you see how sinister acts of violence prove your manhood.